Sonntag, 8. März 2015

#Dear Me

Dear 12 year old me,
Writing you a letter is harder than I thought it would be.
There is so much I have to say to you and so much you have to figure out for yourself.
The first thing I want to say, the thing I think you need to hear the most is:
It gets better.
Things are bad right now I know but hold on for just a few month longer.
You will discover the internet and suddenly have friends you can trust.
You will find stories and people who inspire you.
You will start writing and reading more again.
You just changed schools and your parents just divorced.
You are still being bullied, not as bad as before, but it still is not nice.
You don't want to talk to your mom, she is upset enough as it is. (And you know because she is always crying on your shoulder, no need to add to her worries)
Your headaches have started to get bad.
Get used to always carrying painkillers because they are not going away for a long time and they are always the worst when you can't do anything about it.
(Actually that is a lie. They are stress related. But you are calmer when you have painkillers, so have them with you always)
Trust people, please.
I know it is hard with everyone laughing at you.
Please find someone to trust. (Go to your grandma. She loves you always and she knows where you are coming from).
Trust someone and talk to them.
It would be so much easier if we had actually done that the first time around.
I still can't talk about my feeling easily but I have to. Learn to do it now, when you are young and have just started to close yourself off, breaking through your shell will be much harder later.
Stop believing that you have to limit and change yourself to be beautiful.
You rock.
Buy boy clothes, buy girl clothes. When you wear your butterfly jacket and your peacock earrings and feel amazing don't let the mean girls get you down.
(If you do you will never wear the earrings again. You will grow out of the jacket and miss it. It was really pretty)
When you are smart and good at science, don't let them use you. Don't give them all the answers because you want them to like you. (Don't be selfish either, teach them if they want to learn, share tricks but don't to their work for them. They are laughing at you)
Respect yourself.
You are worth it and not many people will, at least for a little while longer.
Smile every day.
You will cry almost every day. Your classmates will make you, your mom will make you, your grandparents will make you.
Find reasons to laugh and smile, you will feel better after you laughed.
Find a sport that is fun to you.
(Maybe try yoga. You like it now.)
It will make things easier down the line.
Don't obsess about your weight.
There will always be skinnier girls than you, you are not even sure if you were built to be skinny in a couple of years. It is not worth obsessing over.
Find a sport you like because you could be fitter, not because you could be thinner.
Have fun with it. 

Love,
Your 19 year old self (who is really happy right now)



Dear 12 year old me.
The short version.
1. It gets better. Just stick with it.
2. Trust people. Talk to them. Find someone for that.
3. Balance your selflessness with selfishness.
4. Smile everyday. There are too many reasons to cry.
4. Respect yourself and your limits. For a long time no one but you will.
5. You are beautiful. 
6. You are strong.
7. Find a sport that you enjoy. Being healthy is good. (You are okay, I know. it could be better)
8. Always carry painkillers, pads and tampons. Always have spare hair ties. Girls have to stick together (and you WILL need them yourself... so...)
9. Don't forget to have fun!

Love,
your 19 year old self, who took a long time to learn these lessons


#Dear me is a tag on youtube.
I saw a bunch of of videos and I loved them. I knew that I would want to write to my 12 year old self. It was a pretty bad time in my live and I could have used some encouragement. I am not brave enough to actually film a video and post it on youtube so I just wrote the letter on here.
This is really nice.